A child asked his religious father,
"How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made
babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The
child then went to his physicist mother, asked her the same question and she
told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are
now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to
me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of
the family."
**********
I was sitting in a bar one day and
two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
**********
A teacher is teaching a class and calls
on little johnny. "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you
shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all
off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're
thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking
out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her
ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The
teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No,
the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
**********
Why Super Mario famous all over the
world?
Because he's an Italian plumber,
who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like
a black man, and steps on everything like an American!
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant,
fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just
kidding!"
***********
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast, hard to catch."
**********
